I need to talk about something that happened to me this past week. I'm currently serving as the Young Women's president in my ward. Which is probably the most demanding yet rewarding church calling I've ever had. It consumes a ton of my time, which can be overwhelming at times. But it also has been the most spiritually rewarding experience for me and my family. I have had so many amazing experiences giving lessons and talking one on one with Young Women when the spirit has prompted me to say certain things. I know that I am in this calling right now for a reason. There are certain girls that I have been able to help get through and understand certain trials because of similar life experiences that I have had. It has been so humbling to be able to be an instrument in God's hands. One of the best parts of having a calling like this is getting to go on the camps and youth conferences. I always come home from one of these camps feeling like my testimony is on fire and I just want to share it with the world! At the same time it is stressful to leave my kids for sometimes up to a week at a time to go on these camps. Last Weds. was the 24th of July. I was getting ready to leave for a Stake Youth Conference the following morning. One of my very best friends and former roommate, Aubrey, is currently living in Texas with her cute little family. Even though she's miles away we still try to stay in touch through emails and phone calls. Sometimes we both get busy and will go for a few months without contacting each other. But every time we do talk it's as if we had just talked the day before and we're still just as good as friends and we can chat for hours. That's one of the things I love about Aubrey, she's so easy to talk to and it's never awkward. A few months ago I kept getting the feeling that I needed to go visit her. Her birthday was in March so I sent her an email wishing her a happy birthday and asked her if I could fly out to see her. She emailed back and said that they were in the process of moving to a different part of Texas and she would contact me and let me know when they were settled. She also said that in all fairness to me she thought that she should let me know that her, her husband, mother-in-law, sister, and sister's husband had all recently left the church for doctrinal reasons. I was stunned. I emailed back that I was sure she wouldn't make a decision like that rashly and I would love her no matter what. Life got busy and a few months passed and I never did make it out to see her. I kept feeling like I needed to call her and I wanted to know her reasons for leaving the church. I finally called her on July 24th. We got talking and she started telling me all her reasons for leaving the church. She said that not even her dad would hear her out and listen to the things she was telling me. I felt like I needed to listen to her and really understand why she would make such a life altering decision. I didn't realize how much the things she told me would affect me. She has become a born again Christian and feels like she has a relationship with the Savior like she has never had before. I'm happy for her that she feels so close to the Savior, yet I'm sad for her that she feels like she couldn't have that type of relationship with him while being LDS. She has gotten into some pretty heavy anti mormon doctrine. She didn't get into a lot of that, but the little bit she did say shook me in a way I would have never thought possible. After I got off the phone with her I felt a darkness settle over me and my head was spinning. I have always had a solid, simple testimony of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I'm definitely not a well versed scriptorian- I have a lot of room for improvement in that area. But I do know that my Heavenly Father loves me, he hears and answers my prayers, the Savior atoned for my sins and also my griefs and my sorrows, I have personally felt the Savior's loving influence in my life and he has carried me through my toughest trials. I have had multiple witnesses that we have a living prophet on the earth today who receives revelation from God for us. I know that the Book of Mormon is true and, like the Bible, testifies of Christ. I believe the Bible to be true as well, as far as it is translated correctly.
For awhile after talking to her I felt physically and spiritually shaken. I was physically sick to my stomach. It was a feeling unlike any I've felt before. Jake got home that night and we were supposed to be heading to his Grandma's for their annual 24th of July breakfast for dinner. I didn't feel like I could go but I knew if I didn't I may never be able to pull myself out of this darkness I was in. We went and I tried to act like everything was fine- you know "fake it tell you make it." I still felt this darkness over my I couldn't shake. We came home and I finished packing for Youth Conference thinking how in the world am I going to be able to go and be the Leader- the one who's supposed to be the example, when I was struggling so much! I prayed that night and pleaded for peace and understanding and for this darkness to leave. I tried reading my scriptures but still couldn't shake this horrible feeling.
The next morning I woke up and it was still there. I loaded up my gear and headed to the Stake Center where we were all supposed to meet and ride buses to Heber Valley Camp. I had thought we were just going to meet and load up and leave but they were having a couple hour kick off fireside before hand and ushered us all into the chapel. Elder Somerhays, a member of the seventy, was going to address us. As soon as I sat in that chapel and Elder Somehays got up to speak I immediately felt the darkness lift and I finally felt peace and warmth flood over me. I felt so relieved! This is what Heavenly Father's Spirit feels like! This is the feeling I've been praying for! As Elder Somerhays spoke of Christ and the atonement my heart was filled with joy. One thing he said struck me to the core and I knew that he said those exact words specifically for me. He said that Christ's atonement not only covers our sins, our griefs and our sorrows, but anything that disrupts our peace. I was once again reminded of how mindful our Heavenly Father and Savior are of me. After Elder Somerhays finished his remarks he said that he was going to do something he often does when he speaks to a smaller congregation (there were about 300 of us there) he grabbed a portable microphone and said that he was just going to let the spirit guide him and if he stopped and put the microphone in front of you, you should just say whatever it is that you're feeling. The first two Young Men he came to both talked about how excited they were to be leaving on missions soon. (I later found out from a member of our Stake Presidency that those were the only YM in our stake who had submitted their mission papers. There was no way Elder Somerhays knew that.) Then he had a couple YW share their testimonies. He walked past my aisle, backed up, and then put the mic right in front of me. I said, "me?" and he just nodded. "I'm a leader." I said, thinking he's mistaken me for YW. He said, "I know." I said, "I thought I was exempt from having to do this." He said, "So did I." My heart was pounding but I knew I need to share the things that were in my heart. So I started telling about my conversation with Aubrey and how I felt afterwards and up until Elder Somerhays spoke and what I was feeling right then. Then I shared my simple testimony of the truthfulness of the Gospel of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. And as I shared my testimony the spirit whispered to me that it's true! It's TRUE! I know and I've always known, yet it was like I was saying it for the first time. I know that Heavenly Father and Jesus love me! I know that my prayers are heard! I have had countless experiences in my life where I have had these things witnessed to me. I am a daughter of God and he loves me! He is mindful and patient with me. He knows my imperfections. The Holy Ghost helps me in making decisions. The Book of Mormon is true. President Monson is a true prophet of God. Joseph Smith restored the true Gospel of Christ upon the Earth today and was a true prophet. Gospel means "good news." I am grateful to have this church in my life. I don't know where I'd be or what I'd do without it. It blesses me and my family every day. I'm grateful for the opportunities I am given to serve and have my testimony grow and be strengthened. I'm grateful for the wonderful examples of Christlike service I see every day in my church. I am grateful for the blessings of the temple and knowledge of eternal families. I am so grateful to be sealed to my husband and children and be able to have them for eternity. I am grateful for the Word of Wisdom and the blessing it is to help our bodies and minds stay clean and pure to be able to function properly. Since having Ridge and experiencing the complications I did after his birth I have a whole new appreciation for the wonderful gift that my body is. I am so grateful for the amazing instrument my body is and all it can do. I know that everything I am and everything I have is a gift from God and I am sooo grateful! This is the most important thing I have to share and I hope that my children will always know that their mom has a testimony of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. This is the most important gift I could ever give them.
For awhile after talking to her I felt physically and spiritually shaken. I was physically sick to my stomach. It was a feeling unlike any I've felt before. Jake got home that night and we were supposed to be heading to his Grandma's for their annual 24th of July breakfast for dinner. I didn't feel like I could go but I knew if I didn't I may never be able to pull myself out of this darkness I was in. We went and I tried to act like everything was fine- you know "fake it tell you make it." I still felt this darkness over my I couldn't shake. We came home and I finished packing for Youth Conference thinking how in the world am I going to be able to go and be the Leader- the one who's supposed to be the example, when I was struggling so much! I prayed that night and pleaded for peace and understanding and for this darkness to leave. I tried reading my scriptures but still couldn't shake this horrible feeling.
The next morning I woke up and it was still there. I loaded up my gear and headed to the Stake Center where we were all supposed to meet and ride buses to Heber Valley Camp. I had thought we were just going to meet and load up and leave but they were having a couple hour kick off fireside before hand and ushered us all into the chapel. Elder Somerhays, a member of the seventy, was going to address us. As soon as I sat in that chapel and Elder Somehays got up to speak I immediately felt the darkness lift and I finally felt peace and warmth flood over me. I felt so relieved! This is what Heavenly Father's Spirit feels like! This is the feeling I've been praying for! As Elder Somerhays spoke of Christ and the atonement my heart was filled with joy. One thing he said struck me to the core and I knew that he said those exact words specifically for me. He said that Christ's atonement not only covers our sins, our griefs and our sorrows, but anything that disrupts our peace. I was once again reminded of how mindful our Heavenly Father and Savior are of me. After Elder Somerhays finished his remarks he said that he was going to do something he often does when he speaks to a smaller congregation (there were about 300 of us there) he grabbed a portable microphone and said that he was just going to let the spirit guide him and if he stopped and put the microphone in front of you, you should just say whatever it is that you're feeling. The first two Young Men he came to both talked about how excited they were to be leaving on missions soon. (I later found out from a member of our Stake Presidency that those were the only YM in our stake who had submitted their mission papers. There was no way Elder Somerhays knew that.) Then he had a couple YW share their testimonies. He walked past my aisle, backed up, and then put the mic right in front of me. I said, "me?" and he just nodded. "I'm a leader." I said, thinking he's mistaken me for YW. He said, "I know." I said, "I thought I was exempt from having to do this." He said, "So did I." My heart was pounding but I knew I need to share the things that were in my heart. So I started telling about my conversation with Aubrey and how I felt afterwards and up until Elder Somerhays spoke and what I was feeling right then. Then I shared my simple testimony of the truthfulness of the Gospel of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. And as I shared my testimony the spirit whispered to me that it's true! It's TRUE! I know and I've always known, yet it was like I was saying it for the first time. I know that Heavenly Father and Jesus love me! I know that my prayers are heard! I have had countless experiences in my life where I have had these things witnessed to me. I am a daughter of God and he loves me! He is mindful and patient with me. He knows my imperfections. The Holy Ghost helps me in making decisions. The Book of Mormon is true. President Monson is a true prophet of God. Joseph Smith restored the true Gospel of Christ upon the Earth today and was a true prophet. Gospel means "good news." I am grateful to have this church in my life. I don't know where I'd be or what I'd do without it. It blesses me and my family every day. I'm grateful for the opportunities I am given to serve and have my testimony grow and be strengthened. I'm grateful for the wonderful examples of Christlike service I see every day in my church. I am grateful for the blessings of the temple and knowledge of eternal families. I am so grateful to be sealed to my husband and children and be able to have them for eternity. I am grateful for the Word of Wisdom and the blessing it is to help our bodies and minds stay clean and pure to be able to function properly. Since having Ridge and experiencing the complications I did after his birth I have a whole new appreciation for the wonderful gift that my body is. I am so grateful for the amazing instrument my body is and all it can do. I know that everything I am and everything I have is a gift from God and I am sooo grateful! This is the most important thing I have to share and I hope that my children will always know that their mom has a testimony of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. This is the most important gift I could ever give them.
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